Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
