but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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