a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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