My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize