i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
