I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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