Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
