cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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