I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
