Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize