so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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