This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
