her vagine was all disorganized.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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