when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
