I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
