there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
