all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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