but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
