my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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