Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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