keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
