I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
