We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
