So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
