Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
