sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
