you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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