now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
