I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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