My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
