my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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