You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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