I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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