so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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