i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
