we have pet lesbian snakes
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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