Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
