Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.