if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately