It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast