where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
