Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings