where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.