I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me