Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away