he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
