He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
