Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
