This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
