i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
worst night to have a conscience
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
