we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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