I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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