Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
