Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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