Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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