I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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