my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
