I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
