ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
