Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
