Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
