you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
