ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
