they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
