I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
