I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
