life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
