then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
