i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
