there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
