Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
