your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
