I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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