rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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