She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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