also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
