alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
