It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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