I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
