I can text with my tongue
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
