So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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