Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
