The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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