She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
