nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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