so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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