Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
