My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
