I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
