batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
